School issues...

Nathan was just about to be released from the hospital and Em needed to be picked up from school. I wanted to go get her because I wanted to talk to his teachers. I was on day 2 without a shower, I looked a mess and had smudges of mascara under my eyes. At least I had brushed my teeth though!

So, I get to the doorway of Nathan's class (with Colby and Avery in tow) and his teacher and the 3 aides just looked at me with looks of total surprise on their faces. I asked if she (Mrs. L, head teacher) if she had a few minute to talk to me. She said yes and walked over to me. I said I had a lot of concerns with Nathan and that school was going very poorly for him. She said, "yes, well we're about to call a meeting to discuss this. We have a lot of concerns about him too. His behavior is out of control and it's just not working for us either".

Nice, huh?

She said they were discussing transferring him to the "behavior room". They wanted to do it the very next day, if possible. I wasn't so sure about it, but got the distinct impression Mrs. L did not want him back in her classroom. I point blank asked her if I should keep him home. I guess she realized that she couldn't tell me to but her answer, no, her body language and her tone suggested that bringing him back was not going to fly with her. Well, fine with me. I did not want to bring him back to people who were obviously frustrated and not-educationally equipt to handle him.

I won't deny it, Nathan has significant behavior issues. He bites, scratches, pinches, yells and runs away. He does any number of those things when he's forced to do something he doesn't want to do. That's a problem. But, there ARE educators who know how to deal with children like him. Clearly though, Mrs.L and her aides are not those educators.

Another thing I found out yesterday was that the room Nathan was in was for kids who have issues like mental retardation and are low functioning. Now, Nathan's got cognitive issues, no doubt. But, he was the highest functioning of the group and most of the kids were non-verbal. So, this was by far the wrong room choice for him.

Anyway, so we went to talk to the principal -- who is probably the greatest principal I've ever met. Of course, he's the only one I've met as an adult, lol, but I have a great deal of respect for him now. He listened to my concerns, offered suggestions and let me know what had been going on on their end. And, took my questions and concerns to the head of special ed for our district. Turns out, they've been doing quite a bit of evals and observations on Nathan over the past 2 weeks. That kind of pisses me off. I feel like they were gathering ammunition against him and without my knowledge. I would like to see the reports they generated on him. I would have liked to have been part of the conversations they had about him. At any rate, I am so glad I sort of trumped them and brought the issue to the forefront.

I told the principal that I thought perhaps he was emotionally immature, that going back to preschool was an option. I learned that Emily was spending her recesses trying to "take care" of Nathan, get him to play or stop whatever distructive behavior he was doing. That made me cry. Its not her responsibility to do that. Yes, as a twin, I'm sure she'll always do it, but he isn't seeking her out. He doesn't look for her or go to her. I have learned very quickly that I have not been treating them as individuals. I made the decision to move Em to this school to be with Nathan when he's not interacting with her. Instead, she's not riding the bus with her neighborhood friends, not going to school with them and not growing up with them. So, I requested Emily be moved back to our home school asap.

When I left, the principal said he'd discuss my concerns with the super intendent and would call me to discuss them. In the mean time, they would transfer him to the behavior room in their school.

Well, as I got home and thought about it, that just pissed me off more. I didn't want Nathan transferred all around and put where ever they had a spot because they "couldn't handle him". I wanted him in the best room that will address his needs. Regardless of the school its in. And when the principal called me this morning to discuss it, I let him know that Nathan would NOT be back in school until we find the most appropriate room for him. I wanted to observe whatever rooms they had. They are the experts in education... I am the expert on Nathan. Collectively we could make a decision on where the best place for him is. But, I was pretty emphatic that I didn't care which school it was in, that we needed to look at every school. I would transfer him ONCE, so they'd better get it right this time. (I was much more P.C. than that, but that was the message I was sending).

So, turns out they have a behavior room at our home school too. And, I can go observe that room tomorrow. Ok, thats great, but the idea of the behavior room isn't sounding very good to me. I decided to call the Behavior Specialist, who oversees all the teachers and aides for the behavior rooms. I imagine she and I will work very closely over this next year.

Turns out she has a daughter with a seizure disorder as well. Granted, they're having success with meds... but still, I believe she understands a lot of where we're coming from becuase of her daughter.

She said she'd done some observations on Nathan and tried to do an eval. She said, "in the short time I tried to evaluate him, he bit and pinched me several times". Great. Just what I wanted to hear. But wait... it gets better... I said I thought he might benefit from going back to preschool but the principal mentioned that he'd be with 3 and 4 year olds who would pick up on his behaviors. I said, what about the 5th graders in the behavior room? I don't want him picking up their behaviors. She said, "quite frankly, the behavior issues don't get any worse than what Nathan's currently exhibiting".

Oh joyous words to hear.

Ok, I get it. Yes, he's a handful. But, he's got some serious overridding medical issues. We know for certain that he's having multiple seizures a day. Both clinical and sub-clinical sz's. We know that AED's bring out behavior issues in children. She said in her experience, she's not seen a child on an AED that didn't have some sort of behavior issue. We also know that he's on a very strict diet thats causing irritability. And further still, we know that he's having huge expressive and receptive language delays. He can't communicate his wants, needs OR frustrations. Yet he watches his twin do whatever she sets her mind out to do - without effort.

Who WOULDN'T be pissed off as all hell????

But, we have to get his rage under control. We have to teach him ways of expressing himself and we have to teach him appropriate behaviors in school and socially. Yes, I'm in agreement with all of those statements. And we need to do it in the least restrictive environment as possible. That's where it gets tricky.

Their goal is to mainstream him, but if they do it too soon, Nathan will be labeled by his peers and maybe not this year, but by 1st grade, definitely by 2nd grade, their labels will stick with him and haunt him his entire academic career - barring a compete school change. Ok, so just add more finite time lines to our list.

I have to say though, I do feel much better about him going into the behavior room after talking to the behavior specialist. I feel confident that they're committed to making it work for him. I asked what happens if this isn't working? Where do you tranfer him to? What are our options then? Well, this is pretty much the only option. But, she said, they will do whatever it takes to make it work. If they need special training, they get it. If they need another aide, they get it. They will not give up on him until they figure out what he needs. God, I just hope she sticks by her word.

So, tomorrow, I go up to our home school and get acquainted with the teachers and therapists. Emily will ride the bus with the neighborhood kids and Nathan will most likely ride the short bus. I'm contemplating transporting him myself. It's just up the street and would work fine with my schedule. Sigh... not sure yet.

I pray they can get through to him, get past his frustrations and anger. I feel like Mrs. L and her aides never got to know the real Nathan. He is very loving and gentle, can be I mean. He IS a good boy. And deep down I believe he wants to be "normal". He just doesn't know how and is frustrated as all hell. I'm thankful we're goign to a new school if only so that the teachers there don't have a preconceived notion of who Nathan is -- or heard horror stories of this terrible child. Oh hell, who knows. Word travels fast in that community. They may already have ideas anyway, or noted the hell out of his file. At least I won't have to see those damn teachers anymore and hopefully the total change of venue will give nathan a fresh start in his own mind too.

We've begun the med increase. Garry said he saw minimal sz's today. I'm not impressed. We have had a "honeymoon phase" with everything we've tried. I need about 2 months of something working before I'll even think about getting excited.

What a fucking week this has been.