Here we go again...

We're giving up on valproic acid. Im glad. It's not working, why keep it up? I feel the same way about the diet too but I somehow can't fully let go of that yet. Dr. B said that reading his EEG, she couldn't go 10 seconds without seeing some type of erratic brain waves. Not to say all of those are sz's but erratic brain waves can't be good for Nathan either.

We tried taking the V.P. up. One day was good, another was bad, another was so-so. But his behavior got really bad and his interest in potty training has gone WAY down. We had an episode of poop-smearing tonight as well. We haven't had one of those in weeks and weeks.

So, felbatol is it. This is it. This is the drug we've tried and tried to stay away from. This is the drug that most pharmacies do not carry (you have to order it) because it's just not a common med and it's got a really bad rap. It can cause liver failure and aplastic anemia (where your red blood cell count drops down to a very dangerous level). But, V.P. can cause liver damage too and he's not shown signs of that at all. Also, Dr. B feels that most of the patients that fall into that category have other health issues that put them at risk for dangerous side effects -- which Nathan does not have.

This is also a drug though that has been shown to work when all others fail. And, monkeys might fly out my ass. But, hey, why not try it?

If this one doesn't work, we are back to lots and lots of testing. Since Dr. B still feels as though his sz's are complex partials and his focus is in his frontal lobe, he's still a candidate for a resection -- removing the portion of his brain where the sz's are originating. The extensive testing would be to try to find that place. Without having a lesion or some abnormallity there, the chance of stopping the sz's is maybe 50% or less. I don't like those odds. However, there maybe an abnormality that the MRI isn't showing either. And, as far as odds go, we've got about a 5% chance that felbatol is going to work. 5% is better than a 0%, right?

Garry's really at his wits end. He has no patience with Nathan. I find it hard to have patience as well, but I just keep reminding myself that his behavior isn't becuase he's a bad kid or to piss me off. But, it moves me farther and farther away from him when he reacts to Nathan with no compassion.

My friend who is watching the kids next week is very very spiritual. Very much a born-again Christian. She's not the kind to shove it down your throat or try to convert you or anything like that. She's going to need every bit of her faith and prayers to get her through the week. Honestly, I've never dreaded a vacation so much in my entire life. I hope to God Nathan behaves for her, takes his meds, doesn't smear his poop or bite one of her kids. And, God willing, I will be able to relax... or I'll be so drunk I'll pass out, and then relax.